Dealing with raw emotion.

I have a lot of mixed emotions at this point in my life.

I have the heartache AND joy of getting divorced. I know I'm hurting him, but I'm like a prisoner counting the days until I can be outside those walls a free person.

I have the joy of friends. Yet I also have the knowing of I'm not fully in the circle. Still trying to figure out my reasoning on that one.

I have the joy of that friend who makes me feel amazing, but I also realize that because it's new I'm overly wanting. I get annoying. I think. And now I have mixed signals on that one. I know I'm probably over thinking. Like usual.

I have the feeling of loneliness although I have friends. Again, still trying to figure that one out.
Social awkwardness, maybe? That's new to me too.

I feel like that teenager trying to find their way. Trying to find themselves.

I look forward to reinventing myself. To living the way I want to. To being me. To doing what must people do between the ages of 18 and 25. (Responsibly and in moderation of course. I am, after all, still a Mommy too)

I'm at an up point right now. This is good. I need to keep this. And hopefully keep whatever or whoever it is that keeps me up. There's some sort of formula keeping me together.

I need to reach out, I think, for help. But I'm stubborn.
Like a friggin mule.
I'm screwed up.
It's ok though.
Kitties.
:)

-B