Revenge Porn: The Journey

Some of my family may have a heart attack right now. Just going to state that right now. Prepare yourself for immense disappointment in me if you are family. So now that everything is over it's time for me to share my experience. Here in Texas no less.



Part 1: Laws and Punishment.

Revenge porn is defined as:

noun

     1. Sexually suggestive images of someone, typically a former romantic partner, that are posted online or otherwise shared without the person's consent.

       First let me share the laws with you. Of course these laws vary state to state. Of the 50 states ONLY 26 choose to outlaw the practice of revenge porn. Of these 26 only 12 have made it a felony, 2 have made it a felony under certain circumstances and 12 of them have only filed it as a misdemeanor. The state of Texas files this as a Class A Misdemeanor.

       So what does this mean for someone who is charged with this crime in Texas? Depends on the county sure but where I live? Technically 365 days in jail, which on good behavior comes out to 6 months. (In New Jersey the person would be looking at a felony and spend 3-5 years in jail and a 30,000 fine).

Part 2: The Story

   
     So right now I'm sure I have those of you who are wondering what happened. So the story begins....

I'm not going to be using actual names for the fact that public eyes may be reading this.

Me and (lets call him J) J had been dating for a little over a year when I decided we needed to split up. I had started to question a future with this guy and decided maybe a break was best. I still loved him most definitely. I mean enough to trust him with explicit content.

    During our split I decided to move into my best friends house. They were awesome enough to let me stay, babysit their son etc. Talk about the best friends a girl could have at that moment. I started seeing someone else. J didn't like that so much but he played nice. He was living in my apartment, using my car and the bills still in my name. (you can guess what happened to the bills and the apartment. $5000.00)

     Fast forward about 6 months. My relationship with the other guy ended. J wanted to get back together, I didn't.

     I started seeing someone else. This wasn't something either of us had planned but to be fair this guy and I have a long friendship behind us, we go well together. We will call him D. Because of some history we didn't just come out and say we were together. I mean everyone we knew had thought we saw each other as family. (I was in denial for a long time that I loved him. Until we had a long long talk) J didn't like that I didn't tell him right away. So he went behind my back an threatened a friend he thought I was dating. Eventually he found out.

     October 27, 2015 things were rocky. Very tense. He came to my job to drop off packages that came for me in the mail. We got into an argument, in which he told me I wasn't ever getting my car back. This resulted in me calling the police when he left. (since I let him borrow the car I had to serve him with a notice saying he had 10 days to return it. I however could take the car if I found it) After that is when I found out that since I was still paying for his cell phone I could track him. Thank you T-MOBILE!!!!

     Later is when D let me see the message. The one with the explicit content. I called the cops and so it began...

Part 3: He Goes to Jail and the Warrant is Executed

     Sitting in the station waiting to talk to the initial detective was nerve wracking. The Detective of course was going to have to see and record the content. (yay another person I didn't want seeing it) I gave my statement while trying to hold myself together. I was humiliated. I felt unsafe, afterall, he decided to claim me as his personal whore. (Fuck you, I'm not your property, nor am I a whore.) I kept tracking him. Really I kept tracking my car. November 1st, I had an opening I got my car back! He wasn't happy with that. (Sorry to the other two I unintentionally left stranded) Next thing I know he's threatening to take the car back and tells me he's coming to my house. Cops called again....

    At this point since I'm the only person in Austin to file charges like this, the cops already know me. "You're the revenge porn girl!" yep. That's me. Great. They start asking me what is going on and what he looks like. My roommate pipes up. "He's walking up right now". Yes he's an idiot. He actually showed up at my house thinking he was going to take the car back. Since he has warrants he's arrested. While he's in jail the warrant is executed. A week and a half later he's out on bail. That's when the nightmares really kick in. I'm not going anywhere alone. I don't know if he's going to retaliate. My place of employment implements a procedure to protect me if he shows up. My roommates and D make sure I'm never alone, or if I am, I have protection.

Part 4: The Ongoing Investigation

    He goes to court, gets reset. The process continues. Until one day I get a call from C. A mutual friend of the two of us. He got arrested again. January 24th, 2016. Probation Revocation. Oh yeah! He's been on probation this whole time. Probation + warrants + dirty drug tests + missing meetings + new charges = Bye bye probation.

    Court comes then goes, over and over until one day BAM! Sentenced with Felony probation revocation. 260 days county time. A small victory!! But what about my case....

    April 1, 2016 I get a call in the middle of work from J's brother, my old roommate. I was at work so I had to ignore the call. Until he told me to call him immediately. He had gotten a call from J's lawyer. Suddenly the plot twists. He's trying to tell his lawyer and the prosecutor that I SENT THE MESSAGE!!!!! I was LIVID!! That's when I found out. We are going to trial. He wasn't taking a deal... 

    That's when I called Ms. C and asked her if she knew anything about it. She didn't. I needed a witness. Unfortunately this is where the woman who was both our friends, who let me know what was going on on his side, kept me informed. This is where she had to get involved as the witness to the crime. I still hate that she had to get involved.

      Me and D went and talked to the prosecutor and the investigator. Thank God we still had the content and message for evidence purposes because the initial recording wasn't clear enough. they were able to recover everything. D, C, and I were going to have to testify.

Part 5: The Plea Deals Come to Light

April 15, 2016. I receive an email from the prosecutor. The Defense is now a little worried about my witness. Someone who saw him send the message and heard him brag about it. (Apparently he did it to cast doubt with D, not to hurt me. Moron) I am asked my input on the deals being put on the table. Both are convictions. One involves him being on probation for two years with the condition of a protective order in place for me. The second, he serves another month and a half but no protective order. He would be free and clear. OF COURSE I called the department who handles the orders and a conviction either way could grant me the protection order. I told the prosecutor that both work out in my favor. I don't care which he chooses. He's away from me.

April 19th 2016. I'm still waiting on the phone call saying he accepted a deal. It hasn't come yet. Tomorrow we for sure hear if we have to go to court and testify. Praying we don't. The Jury would have to see the content. The defense attorney is going to "slut-shame" me on the stand. I have to look at people knowing they have seen a side of me not meant for them. I'm a nervous wreck.


April 20, 2016.  He took a plea deal. Pleaded guilty and served 90 days. Well kinda. He had credit time already. So it looks like its finally over. Almost. I went to get a protective order. Hoping they grant it this time. He has a hold on him for another county so he will probably sit until that county comes to pick him up. Gives me the perfect opportunity for the protective order since they need an address for it. Nope, Protective order declined. No actual physical violence they said. It's bullshit. But...




At long last, its over. No more court dates. No more anxiety on possibly going to trial. Still a victory. This was a conviction and the first conviction of it's kind here. Because of this he was not only sentenced with the misdemeanor but also a felony for the probation revocation. I feel angry that it came down to all of this.


Some of the people reading this will probably think, Well that content shouldn't have existed. To you I say, I am an adult, I was in a committed relationship, I did nothing wrong.


If you actually read all of this thank you. I love you.


90 days isn't enough. I was lucky that everyone I surround myself with is supportive and it was just one message. What about the girl who's content is posted online, and her life is linked to it. What about the girl applying for jobs and now can't get rid of it. What about the girl who gets harassed and takes verbal abuse from strangers because of it. Do you think 90 days is enough for possibly weeks, months, maybe even years of harassment and the mental strain that follows? All because an ex boyfriend became obsessed.


I want to change the laws here.


Thanks for reading.
-B